Monthly Archives: September 2009

Seven Least Menacing Movie Villains Ever

You know ‘em, the great movie villains, the bad guys that haunt your dreams and waking lives. Admit it, how many times have you gotten in the shower and imagined Mrs. Bates stabbing you through the curtain, or looked at a chainsaw and flashed back to Leatherface dismembering some unsuspecting victim or gone trick-or-treating excepting Michael Myers to pop around the corner? These are some of the seminal movie monsters, achieving that states because they don’t just scare you in the movies, they’d scare you in real life too. But just as there are memorable villains, there are also ludicrous villains, the completely laughable guys that if you saw in real life wouldn’t scare you, even if they paid you. Below are five of the least menacing villains in movie history. Continue reading

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100 Pointless Lessons Learned From the Movies

Whoever said that watching movies was a waste of time clearly hasn’t been paying close enough attention. Below is just a small sample of things I learned from the movies.

Also, feel free to chime in with your own, though I already got ‘don’t go full retard’ in the bag, so save it.

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The Love/Hate of Michael Bay

Every two years or so for the past-decade-and-a-half a movie appeared, like clockwork, right in the middle of summer. This movie promises to be the spectacle to end all spectacles and outdo every other film released that year. It comes populated by the young and the beautiful, the best and the brightest of the stars of tomorrow and promises more thrills, more laughs, more explosions and more sex appeal than anybody knows what to do with. In every way the movie is designed with but one purpose in mind: to separate the movie-going public from their hard-earned dollars, and if it seems that way it’s because that’s exactly what it’s designed to do. And more often than not it succeeds, no matter how juvenile or underwhelming the results may be.

You’re probably asking yourself just who the genius is behind these movies. Who’s the man that figured out how to get us to hand over our money time and again like a bunch of little lemmings? Who is the auteur of excess that entrances us year after year? Is it Spielberg? George Lucas? Robert Zemeckis? Maybe the great Cecil B. DeMille, risen from the grave? Of course not. Don’t be silly.

No, it’s Michael Bay.

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